Celia S. Lipana-Reyes (January 29, 1936-July 24, 1997) -- It's exactly 20 years ago, I can still vividly remember. My mother succumbed to cancer at around past six in the evening. She was 61. She was diagnosed April 1997 and her doctor said she barely had 2 months to live. Meaning, until June. But she survived that.

April to July of 1997 was the darkest and longest months for our family. During that time, minutes felt like hours, hours felt like days, days felt like months, and months felt like years... Minutes, hours, days and months of uncertainty, pain, sadness and fear.  It was as if we were waiting for the big one. Up to now, I can remember clearly the sleepless nights, the tears, the outburst of emotions, the scent of St. Luke's, the prayers which were actually begging for mercy, the groans of pain, and during her last hours, the sound of the ventilator and then the silence..I remember... I remember everything.

Someone told me that, when you lose someone to death, the pain of losing that person will never go away. You just get used to it.. I think that is really true... For 20 years, I just got used to it. The last 20 years were not easy, because I had to contend dealing with my emotions, my loss, my moving on, and my ordeal with life... But, my mommy prepared me well. When I was still a child, she would always teach me to be tough and have a braveheart. She would always let us do things on our own. She would always tell us that we have to be able to live on our own because they (mom and dad) will not always be here for us.. As a child, I did not understand. Only to realize now that maybe that is her way to prepare us.

Twenty years after her death, I still think about what life would have been if she's here, I still have regrets, I still miss her.  But, I remind myself that everything has a reason (although really up to now, I still don't get it-haha!). Or that God will not give you something you can't handle.. Or God will always give what is best for you... Or that she is in a better place now... Or...all those things you can think and say to yourself to comfort you. Pampalubag loob baga. Just to make me feel better.

But one thing is certain. That life goes on as it should be, maybe not as she would have wanted if she was alive.. But I try. One day, some day, we will see each other again(sana naman not too soon!😛at wala ring dalawan! 😱👻) For now, I'll just keep on remembering her death anniversary, praying that she rests in peace.