Thursday, December 15, 2011

Giving My Last Respect


Eulogy for Chairperson Purificacion Valera-Quisumbing

which I delivered last 7 December 2011

during the CHR Necrological services held at Arlington Memorial Chapel


My story with Ma’am Chair did not start in CHR. Our story goes way, way back before our CHR days…

Our first meeting

Growing up, I would often hear my parents talk about their former classmates, former schoolmates and friends. And one name I would once in a while hear them talking about is the name, Puring Quisumbing. I would hear her name, together with the name Leo, and places like Bangkok, UNICEF, UN and New York. I just know that she was a former classmate of my mother. But that’s it, just names. I never met her,… I never met them.

I first met Justice Quisumbing in 1994 in Malacanang. Years later, when my mother died, Ma’am Quisumbing became instrumental on how I landed into a job in Justice Quisumbing’s office when he was appointed Associate Justice of the Supreme Court. She was not here, she was in New York but she was able to help. I don’t know how she did it but what I knew then was that AHA! SHE CAN REALLY INFLUENCE Justice Quisumbing. Ang layo layo niya pero napa OO niya si Sir. Or at least, I was considered. But again, that’s it, I haven’t yet met her.

I met Ma’am less than a year later. I remember that day. Melinda, the Secretary of Justice informed me that Ma’am will be arriving from the States. Knowing that, I bought a box of Bulacan Pastillas de Leche to give her, since it will be my first time to meet her, after all her help.

Straight from the airport, she proceeded to our office. When I first saw her, she was sitting in the visitor’s chair of Justice’s secretary. Kumukuyakoy. She was like a kid. With high spirits and very lively. She was wearing a black coat, black pants, red comfy flat shoes and a small red backpack. I’m sure many of the people who know her, knew how much she loves to bring that red small backpack whenever she travels.

I entered the room, we were introduced… She hugged me. Very tight.. She said “Oohhh I’m sorry about your mother. Celia is too young…” Celia is my mom. I was soo touched. I felt the sincerity. I said thank you, and I gave her the box of pastillas. She held the box close to her heart, like this……… Just a box of pastillas but she received it as if it was the most valuable gift she has ever received… She was really like that, very appreciative and very expressive.

As a boss

Many of you know this part, me as the EA of the Chairperson. When she asked me to join her in human rights, I was like “whhaaat??” What am I going to do there? Of course I did not say it to her. I remember she said, you should have an expertise in a field. And then again, I said to myself “yeah right! And that expertise is in human rights?” I need not say I was convinced. I don’t know how she did it, again. Magaling siya dun e. But of course I would say yes—Takot ko lang!

When you work for her, you should be alert. Ayaw niya ng papatay patay. You should be able to anticipate the things that she would need. She hates it when you answer “I DON’T KNOW” whenever she asks a question. “I CANNOT DO IT” does not exist in her vocabulary. For her, every person can do anything. There are no limits. You just have to learn how to do it.

That’s why she gives so much value in further studies, further education, reading, reading and reading. Di siya madamot magbigay ng opportunitites sa mga tao. Even if it would mean na mawawala sa kanya ang tao na iyon. She was very generous.

For her, as long as you are alive, you should continue to learn. I won’t be surprised if right now, she is reading in heaven or convincing others to study and read some more. Or convincing others to take their masteral, doctorates or she might be even organizing a training, symposium or round table discussion with God and the angels up there…. Never stop learning….. I’m sure naglelecture siya doon.

Knowing how intelligent she is, I would sometimes wonder, why would she still ask me to research, and make her presentation. I know that she knows all those things, minsan naiisip ko siguro niloloko ako ni ma’am para may gawin lang ako. Looking back, it had a purpose. The things she asked me to do for her, are not really what she needed and not really for her. It was for me all along. It was her way of training me. It was her way of making me learn, so that I can do it on my own.

On a personal note, I would miss how she would go around her office barefooted. I would miss her baskets full of food, snacks, banana and drinking water. I would miss her fuchsia, red and bright yellow coats, her favorites… I would miss how kilig she is whenever Justice would fetch her in the office. I would miss how she loves holding the hands of Justice. I will miss how she looks at Justice Quisumbing with so much love, until now. I would miss how she would blush whenever she would receive flowers from Sir during her birthday or their anniversary. I also miss how she would hurry to go home whenever Sir would call her and inform her that he is on his way home. I would miss how she would ask each and every one in the staff, how’s your dad, how’s your baby, how’s your mom, your sister. She knew each and every one of us, personally.

I remember how she would worry when we go home late after work. Kasi madilim paglabas ng CHR and it was then hard to cross Commonwealth. She would make sure that we were brought home safely, or brought to the bus terminal safely. Inaalagaan din po niya kaming mga tao niya. She would always make sure that we're okay, that we're comfortable.

Our travels

I cannot forget the time when we were going to Tagaytay. She will lecture on human rights before judges. As usual, I prepared her presentation. For some reason, while in the car she asked me to read and explain the presentation, page by page. The presentation was more than 50 slides, meaning, I read and explained more than 50 slides/50 pages to her. I started in Manila and finished when we were already in Tagaytay. For the people who know me very well, they know that I cannot read even a single sentence while riding a vehicle. It makes me dizzy. Of course, I cannot tell her I can’t. Takot ko lang. But for some reason, at that time… ni hindi sumakit ulo ko kahit konti. Marunong pala makisama.

I dread the days when I need to go ride with her in the car, because she would discuss human rights, current events, plans, programs and projects she has in her mind. Napapalaban po and isip ko.

During one of her lectures for lawyers, prosecutors and judges in Mindanao held in Cagayan De Oro. I decided to join a group to go around Camiguin. She let me go. Part of that group met an accident. Though nobody was hurt, we were all shocked! So when we went back, I was the last one to arrive at where Chair and the others were. I could see her from afar NANGHAHABA ang leeg, I knew she was waiting for me… When she saw me, she looked relieved. Sabi niya siguro, “AH OK, Buhay pa!” We were all sad and shocked for what happened. Then she said, cheering us all, “o don’t worry guys, let’s just eat, forget about what happened. It’s good all of you are safe now. Go somewhere else later and enjoy!” She’s really a mother. She knows exactly the right words to say to comfort people.

She can be funny also. In 2007, she treated all her staff in Baguio since it would be our last summer together as their term would end in May 2008. When we were in Baguio, the staff decided to go to SM. It was funny coz she said, “Ano ba kayo, pumunta kayo sa Baguio para magSM e ang daming SM sa Maynila.” I cannot forget that. Naalala ko tuloy siya sa SM.

She never told me any ill things against anybody. You know why? She doesn’t need to tell me or any other, she would tell it right to the face of the person. That person will not hear it from anybody, she would directly hear it from Chair. Alam mo kapag galit siya hindi ka maninimbang. She will tell it to you straight, even if it would hurt you. At least alam mo.

You will get what you deserve from her. She will scold you when you are wrong but she will praise you when you did something really good.

Her words and our being together.

I could go on and on and on talking about our 7 years together in office and the more than 10 years of togetherness in CHR and outside CHR. When I was about to leave for HK to study, her parting words for me were “Bye, galingan mo! Pumasa ka dun, pag bumagsak ka, wag ka na umuwi dito at mag-asawa ka na lang ng instik dun!” Very encouraging diba? Ayun, true enough, natakot talaga ako bumagsak at baka dina ako makabalik.

But when I have accomplishments, she would always commend me, when she has done something for me or she helped me, she would always say, “Ayan matutuwa si Celia niyan. Di kita pinabayaan.” She took it upon herself that it is her obligation to be the mother that I don’t have anymore. And I felt that each and everyday that we were together. Her embrace, her words of encouragement. She believed in me, when I myself cannot even force myself to believe in me…. She gave direction into my life.

I believe in the saying that when God closes a window, He opens another. When God took away my mother, she immediately replaced her in the person of Ma’am Chair. I might have lost my mom, BUT I never lost a MOTHER.

Ang problema ko lang ngayon e, paano ngayon na wala na rin si ma’am? I might be pushing my luck too far, if I would ask for another one or if there will be another one… Nevertheless, I am happy with who I had…

The last time I saw her was last July, I can never forget what she said “I am proud of you. I know you can do it.” She is truly my inspiration.

As I said upon learning that she is gone, my only consolation is now, I know that I have two mothers up there, looking upon me and my loved ones. I am relieved that Ma’am Chair is now free of pain and is resting up there with my mom, in the loving arms of our Lord God.

Ma’am, when you were still with us, you always tell me, “ayan matutuwa si Celia, I’m taking care of you.” Ma’am Chair, I know that when you saw my mom in heaven, these are her exact words to you, “Puring, thank you for taking good care of my daughter, Jo when I left.”

Ma’am Chair, I know that “Thank you” is not enough to say how grateful I am for everything that you did for me! In any case, MARAMING SALAMAT pa din po. Let’s see each other soon!

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Pain in my heart

For more than a month, I have been into a lot... and I mean a lot!!!

I feel like, all the things that really matter to me are being taken away from me. It took a while for me to have the strength to even write about it without being hurt.

Here...

For a long time, I am happy and contented with my life. I have myself to think about, to consider and argue with. I occasionally take into consideration my father and sister, argue with them a lot but at the end, it's just myself that matters. And I am A okey with that! In short, I like being alone.

But true to the saying, it will just happen when it happens.. you know what I mean. It was great, I could say that it's the best thing that ever happened to me. I have never loved like that. I was not even aware that I am capable of loving that much. There are complications but they really didn't matter. I was just ready to face all of it,... for love.

Just as it was destined to be from the start, it didn't last.... It hurts... it really really hurt me. I felt like my heart was being crashed, literally and figuratively. It hurts... it hurts... I hurt me so much I wouldn't wish my worst enemy to experience it...

Things happened and felt like what I can only watch in teleseryes. You might think it is an exaggeration but really, every minute, every hour, every day that passes by is an ordeal.. I didn't want to wake up in the morning. I can't breathe. I can't sleep at night. I cried and cried and cried until i got tired...

With the help of my closest and trusted friends, I was able to pick up myself and move on... I always reminded myself, this is for the better. Again and again I needed to remind myself of that.

Weeks pass by, and the loneliness lessened, the crying not so often, and I started appreciating things again... UNTIL...


Don't take things for granted.

Then came another trial. My boss got promoted to a new office. It was supposedly something to celebrate BUT that meant not only saying goodbye to her but to the rest of my officemates for two years (some more than 2 yrs). I said to God, "Lord, one at a time please, I can only take so much."

We were like brothers and sisters. We take care of each other. We have misunderstandings but we easily settle them. Now, we have to separate. And once again, I am saddened by this turn of events... It was so unexpected!

I was just beginning to recover and this?.....!


After all, I realized that there's nothing I can do but just accept things as they are. Learn from it and move on...

Now, I am starting again to appreciate the mornings, the sunlight, the environment, the rest of the people around me... and I am looking forward to better things...better days...

Friday, October 16, 2009

Sadness



I've been in a roller coaster of emotions lately. Too many things happened in a span of 3 weeks. Of course, we all know the Ondoy and Pepeng tragedy. I cannot believe that people I actually know experienced it. I know that most of us, one way or another knows victims or knows someone who knows a victim.. I can't help but just sigh... and sigh... and sigh again.

But the good thing about it, is the outpour of help, those people who really don't know each other work together to help....to help those victims they don't know. It's amazing to see the innate goodness of a lot of people. Difficult things really bring out the best in a person.


In the midst of all these, I am also experiencing a 360 degrees turn. Maybe that's why I'm really feeling low. I am so used to leaving the house, going to Manila to study since high school, even college and law school. Living in Hk for 9 months to study my masteral and to go on official travels in the office here or abroad for a few days or weeks. I am so used to leaving THEM behind. Just going home after, with my ready pasalubong for daddy and Me Ann as they wished. But this time, Me ann had to leave to study for one year in Germany. What? Me? left alone? .. to daddy, and to run the house? Ano, hilo?!? But I am actually glad that she would. I know that she deserves it and I also want her to experience Europe again, alone.

But even then, I have my reservations. Me Ann never lived on her own. Since birth... Our house is her comfort zone. Would she be ok? Will it not be difficult for her? what about this, what about that, what about ..what about... worries, worries, worries... I was so damn worried, I kept on thinking, I cried... and cried and cried until i can cry no more. Until I got tired...

Now, I'm trying to adjust to the situation. I know there is a reason for this. Actually, I am really happy to know that she's enjoying and experiencing Europe. I badly wanted her to experience all the things that she is experiencing and will experience. I am just glad.

I know, back here, I can manage. And I know that she can manage there too. Kaya naman niya. The experience will make her a better person..


For now, we will just be content with chatting...

And I would wait for my pasalubong from her, for a change.

More changes? BRING IT ON!!!!!!!!!!!!


Monday, September 7, 2009

Love is...



Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.

- The Bible : 1 Corinthians 13:4 -

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Regrets... I Had a Few

My Regrets:

1. When I was a child, I did not cry the moment I was hurt. I waited for the time to sleep and I would cry myself to sleep.

2. I wasted a lot of money.

3. I grew up to be a woman of steel.

4. Losing my mother very early.

5. Didn't take Law School seriously.

6. Did not pursue drawing, painting and designing.

7. I did not become a model.. (hahaha)

8. Did not take relationships seriously and I am not so friendly.

9. I cannot take laziness out of my system... zzzzzzz...

10. I slept most of my life..


Some are too late to correct... For the others, there is still hope.

Otherwise, they would still be in my list of regrets few years from now.

We will see.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

A Day to Relax..


The one who cooks for us at home has a daughter. Her name is Camille. She is like an "ampon" to us, since Me Ann and I are not inclined to marry and have kids (for now..). Anyway, since Camille did not join her classmates in their field trip at enchanted, her Mama opted to bring her to Trinoma instead. Particularly at Timezone.

So, there I was, killing time before watching Sam Milby's concert... Nakijoin sa Timezone! Hahaha.. Surprisingly, naaliw ako. I felt like a kid again. But the best part of it was that Camille really enjoyed. She made me promise that we will be back there some time soon! Of course I promised.



Then off to the concert. The concert is entitled "Powerboys" featuring Richard Poon and Sam Milby. I like Richard Poon. I always visit his multiply account. But because Sam is highly anticipated, medyo nawala ang focus ko sa kanya. hahah

As expected, I enjoyed Sam's singing and well yeah, his face.


Sam Milby singing...



Nakatalikod na, cute pa din...


Isn't he good looking? ohwwww


Til next time Sam...

Friday, August 28, 2009

A Mall Lover... or used to be?

If there is one thing common between my mom and me is that we both love going to the mall. I think during her lifetime, most of the times we spent together are spent at the malls than our own house. I remember when I was younger, I would go to malls at the opening hour, 10am - and would go home at its closing, 9pm. Am I a mall addict or what.

But anyway, lately, I noticed that I cannot stand long hours loitering in SM North EDSA or in Trinoma. Actually, my heart and mind would want to. But my body, especially my legs give up. I don't know, maybe because of age. Or maybe because of the hard times, that I also do not enjoy looking at things to buy when I don't have enough money to buy all of them. Before, I used to charge it to my mom. Hahaha.. Now, I have to pay on my own.

Mall gives me joy and sadness. Joy because I see a lot of good stuff. When I was able to buy them, I am happy. It also gives me sadness, because they give me a clear picture of people's standard of living. They reveal before my very eyes, the disparity of the poor and the rich in the society. Cheap or expensive, no brand or branded, low end or high end, commuters or with private vehicles.

One time, I laughed when I noticed that there are some entrances and exits in Trinoma wherein you'll know that only the rich pass through them. Guards are relaxed because very few people come in and out of those doors. In other areas, guards are always alert because no time to relax, "buhos ang tao".

But I don't know, there is that certain fondness in me on malls that I cannot explain, most of the time, it gives me joy. To top it all, malls eases my longing for my mom. I feel close to her when I am at one of those.